An eclectic combination of reads that come together to form the ideal therapist: from Taleb to The Dalai Lama.
In no particular order are ten books that have helped me through tough times that I can refer to again and again, representing the tastiest morsels of self-help and wisdom in my repository.
These books have something in common: you can open them at any page and find sanctuary and wisdom. You don’t need to read the chapter before for it to make sense, and I’ve chosen these reads over others because of their practical applications, the relatability of the author, and ease of reading.
1. Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman
This book I spied on the shelf of a psychologist’s office (more like a personal…
Unconditional self-acceptance: logical disputing, goal-focused thinking, and de-catastrophizing
The value of human life is that it exists. You are a complex miracle of creation. You are a person who is trying to love, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person…And in spite of all that is hard in life, you are still trying. This is your worth, your humanness.
— Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning, Self-Esteem
I’m yet again leaning on my Edelman crutch by summarizing and tailoring questions from various chapters of my self-help bible, specifically to nurture a body positive mindset.
The benefit I get from this process is that often by teaching…
Let’s dispute some more with Socratic questioning
Following on from Day 15’s post, I thought I’d share some more of Sarah Edelman’s wisdom. Ok, so she’s taken from Socrates, but still, I’ve really found these so helpful in disputing some unhealthy cognitions, not only around body image, but around depression and anxiety as well.
Knowledge
I’ve read a lot on Medium articles that identifying unhelpful thoughts is the hardest part. I want to challenge that by saying it’s the first step — I’ve personally found (and others have too), that it’s changing those destructive, habitual thoughts that is the most difficult. …
Letting your support group down
Yesterday’s issue was still the same today. I was deflated because I also had a packed evening with a meeting and university webinar session to attend and I could do without this problem: though I guess it’s a first world one.
Again, my option was to journal in Word and hope to publish. At least today I can. I hate things piling up: like dirty washing, the pile grows exponentially.
The technical problems weren’t just confined to Medium, the university webinar didn’t last the full duration without freezing. Luckily my course mates said I didn’t miss much.
Today, whatever the…
The frustration of not being able to share my story
So today I’m annoyed. Nothing much happened in terms of my body positive mindset: I’m back on track, pretty accepting of myself (wouldn’t call it self-love, but I’m getting there), yet I can’t share my post.
Technical issues
This encompasses a myriad of things, but long story short, every time I tried to type on Medium’s interface, the page would crash / reload / go white and I’d get the message “Ooops, something went wrong, please try again later.”
I’m the first to admit I have low frustration tolerance for computers. After this happening three times, I did the old-school trick of…
Why do we awfulise?
Day 12 was the Tyranny of the Shoulds. Today is how they link to negative cognitions. There are lots of these floating about, but I’ve selected ones that are most relevant when obtaining a body positive mindset. If you want to read more about them, see the reference from Sarah Edelman at the bottom of this post. It’s one of my favourite books and I’ve raved about it in another article, which you can see here.
Today again has been a good day: despite continuing stomach ache and bloating, I’m not hating on myself and was more concerned with other…
The acid test.
So today I wore an outfit that I wore over two years ago when I went to Tasmania. Nothing special, just something practical for hiking to Wineglass Bay. But I had photos of me wearing those clothes. And you know what? I looked exactly the same today.
It was a huge confidence boost. While I feel shopping for jeans takes daggers to my self-confidence, knowing I can not only fit into, but look the same in an outfit I wore two years ago was a step to correcting the distortions that I’d gained heaps of weight.
Granted, the outfit has…
All those baby steps add up! I'm glad you managed to make that small post and give yourself a rest and say that was enough. I'm sure everyone can resonate with that feeling. A few days or even a week or two maybe is just what your mind and body need before continuing. Keep it up!
Back on track.
This one will be short. I’ll start with a recount of my day. I woke up a bit bloated but I wasn’t too bothered. I donned a comfy yet flattering weekend outfit of leggings, loose-fitting Liam Gallagher profanity tee, hooded jacket and bright neon Nikes. I felt comfortable: in both my skin and in what I saw in the mirror. Bright lipstick to match the Nikes might have done something to lift my mood as well. It’s a shame most guys miss out on the psychological benefits of a bright lipstick. I digress…
Though it was forecast…
The Tyranny of the Shoulds
The mind is in its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven. — John Milton, Paradise Lost
Knowledge
On day 11 I referred to my unhelpful metacognitive beliefs. These are closely tied to the tyranny of the shoulds, a term used by American psychiatrist Karen Horney, back in 1939.
They are what they say on the tin: the rules or beliefs about our world that are rigid. They can be about ourselves, others or situations. They can lead to frustration and unhappiness because they lack a healthy flexibility. …
